What's The Best Way to Reach You (Newsletter No. 13)

I was looking at my Spotify searching for a playlist to play during my shower and swiped through station names like “Daily Mix,” that send me through the same crooked circles of the same songs I love until I’m sick of them, “Best New Hits” That I know are mostly filled with calculated bravado and generic backbeats and that leave me empty.  Discover Weekly is sometimes great, and other times they choose indistinguishable croon-y R&B indie ballads and I’m like, just because I liked that one doesn’t mean that’s the reason I liked that song.


 I wrote an email reply where Gmail tried to predict or suggest every next phrase and breath.  To make my life easier and less thoughtful.


Right before my shower I saw another post on Instagram where someone wrote a long vulnerable caption about anxiety below a photo of themselves. Below that followers thanking her for being “so real.”  The very faintest stomach drop that the poster probably isn’t having this conversation so thoroughly in person.


It made me feel a little trapped and insane. 

Are there no more things left where they’re not telling me what I like?

 No more things left where they’re not telling me what I “should” do?  

Do we even know who we are? What we even want to do that isn’t constantly for the quick spark of validation that loops over and over again input, output , input output.  I am not a robot. I reject. I refuse.

Kristy Lin